Things in our life will not always look the way we want them to. Even the things that we have ultimate control of, like our physical condition, can easily get away from us when we innocently stop paying attention. I’ve been struggling with that myself for almost a year now, hating what I see in the mirror after gaining the ‘freshman-15’ at my new job. Recently, I’ve decided that while not everything is what I want it to be, that I won’t deny myself one of my greatest pleasures by denying that the body I have today is my body.

All of us deal with our changing shape and weight differently. I’ve personally had my denial take two different forms. The first is to go on an all-out assault against the things that led me where I am: “I’ll walk to work every day, work out 5 times a week, always eat breakfast, and never drink again!” I’ll say to myself. Obviously, this doesn’t work for me long-term. Not only because it is too much change to manage all at once, but also because I enjoy many of the things I would be demonizing (like alcohol and dining out). The second way I’ve dealt with my denial is by changing my shopping habits: “This fat new person doesn’t deserve nice clothes and you don’t get to buy anything nice until you’ve lost this weight”, I’ll tell myself. This also hasn’t worked for me because I find that I go buy cheap, often unflattering, brands just to cover up my new body. So then on top of not loving my body, I’m also not getting confidence from my outfit and wardrobe.

My current plan is something that is new to me, and that is acceptance + balance (not resignation). I have long identified as someone who gets tremendous confidence from the way that I dress and what I’m wearing. So rather than depriving myself of that, I am shopping for the body that I have today while also making other changes in my life to get my body to a more balanced place. If I happen to drop the 1-2 sizes I’ve tacked on, then I’ll either sell or tailor things that no longer fit. But until that day comes, I’m going to make it easy on myself to feel better in my clothes.

I’ve added a uniform to my wardrobe since coming to terms with my new body, one that makes me feel modern, polished, and comfortable: softly structured wide-leg crops paired with a simple tee. This new uniform flatters my waist without emphasizing my curves. I’ll throw a long vest or duster on over it and pair with feminine heels for the office. On weekends I’ll wear it with slip-on sneakers. I plan to keep this uniform in the rotation no matter why my size is since I find the long, loose layers to be imminently flattering and lengthening.

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Today I'm wearing: Marni silk trousers, Acne tee, Crescioni necklace, Francesca bracelet.